Hospitality

I am not hospitable. Chiefly because I am afraid of people. But I'm not the only one. Look around you, what do you see? People who run from one another and wrap their lives up in activities that keep them in a “safe” zone. Let me unpack this in two ways-the first being the relationship we have with strangers, the second is our relationships with friends. Before going there, I think we can all agree on the truth that God calls us to be hospitable and generous. Not just with our homes, but with our time, money, gifts and really with all that we have. He says most blatantly in Hebrews 13:2, “Don't forget to be kind to strangers, for by doing so you have entertained angels without knowing.” Henri Nouwen points out in Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life that Abraham invited strangers into his home and it was through them that God revealed His plan for Sarah to have child. And in other places as well, God uses the guest as a blessing in the lives of the host. Not that we do these things for the blessing, but we must see hospitality as a relationship, not as a burden.
Now, our world view of strangers. How many of us are guilty of locking our doors when we see a homeless person on the side of the street? I am. And that fear captures our hearts, rather than trust in the Lord and compassion. Now don't get me wrong, I think there is a line between fear that keeps us from loving and irresponsibility with our safety, but honestly I don't know where that line is and I think that I err on the side of keeping myself too safe. I think this may be an American thing. I have heard countless stories of Europeans who offer their homes to Americans who are traveling. And certainly those in South and Central America are much more welcoming than Americans. Why is that? Could it possibly be that we live a life of arrogance and pride, with the facade of independence? I have only been out of the country once, but based on that experience and the experience of my friends, the people there live humble lives. They welcome help and live a community far different from ours. We don't know our neighbors or invite them in our homes, much less welcome people we don't know. Not only do we not do these things, but we are uncomfortable when people do them. For instance, I was in a coffee shop recently. I was annoyed with the lady next to me because she just kept talking and I wanted to read my book and be left alone (attitude problem #1). Then she started talking to me about her life and asking questions about mine, I was even more annoyed because I on principle don't talk to strangers (principle problem #1). When she found out I was new to town she offered me a free haircut, being that she is a hair dresser, and rather than be grateful I wondered what kind of hack businesswoman would offer anything free (cultural problem #1). The she did it. The unthinkable...that's right folks, she hugged me. She broke the one foot, unspoken physical barrier that we keep. She said I needed it because I was new to town. I thought she was nuts and was not only shocked, but freaked out (attitude, principle and cultural problems #2). I mean really, what was she thinking? She doesn't know me. But oh, she new I was new to town and working in job that is emotionally taxing and plagued with loneliness. She saw my need, and met it. And that my friends is love and hospitality at its purest form. She wanted nothing from me, but wanted to bless my life and I met that with an attitude that mocked her. No wonder I can't be hospitable.
So I started thinking that maybe I have trouble being hospitable to strangers, but surely I am with people in my circle of influence. Yeah, not so much. You probably aren't either. We keep ourselves at arms length. We go to our therapists and pastors to share our troubles, rather than sharing our lives with our friends. We lock our emotions and fears inside and only release them when we pay someone who legally cannot talk about them with anyone else. I have some friends who in my opinion have mastered hospitality. Not only have they welcomed me in their home, but have made me feel like I can share anything with them. The number of times that I have sat in their home and emotionally vomited on them is numerous. But they don't brush it off, they listen and want to know about my life. Their home is my home and they are not shy about that. Most people don't have that philosophy. We put out the “nice” plates when others come, live a life that isn't everyday. We talk about the weather, travel, in general nothing too invasive and wait until our guests leave to pull our hair up, change our clothes and truly be ourselves again. Putting out the “nice” plates isn't bad. I know that, but what it represents might be. What would happen if we used the everyday plates and served leftovers? Nothing. Our guests might realize that we are just like them and the walls of “properness” would come crashing down. I think we just fear too much. I know I do, because what if I am wrong or too messy to be loved. Sometimes I just don't want to be bothered with the deep relationship. With the difficulty of someone else's life, because my own is overwhelming enough. And that is wrong. Not to mention that I am missing out on the beauty of fellowship with others just like me.
There has to be an answer. I don't know what it is. Prayer. Waiting on the Lord to change my heart and overcome this deeply embedded fear. Practice. Trust in the Lord. And these things aren't easy. But I know that hospitably and generosity are a large part of being a disciple. Nouwen also says that “to fully appreciate what hospitality can mean, we possibly have to become first a stranger ourselves.” I think that is true. And right now I am at a place in my life where I am a stranger and receiving this hospitality. I mean really folks, strangers are hugging me in Starbucks. And the church is reaching out to me in a way that I have never experienced before. They have surrounded me with support and love. They are meeting so many of my needs that I get uncomfortable being loved like this. I don't understand it. Maybe that is what Nouwen is saying. I have to experience this side of hospitality to ever be able to extend it to others. And if that is true then I hope that I can be a blessing to my hosts while I learn from their generosity with the hope that one day I will be hospitable.