Stubborn and Stupid

The time has come. I have finally made the decision not to renew my internship come August. So I am job hunting again. Its probably the worst process in the whole world. Basically I have become an email and Youth Specialties checking freak. It's ridiculous. And no worries, no one wants to hire me. It really is good for a girl's self-esteem.
Its scary to think about leaving. Right now come August, I have no way to support myself and that is not a good feeling. But I think its good for me in a way. At some point I will have to realize that this is not my life. It never has been. And I need to have the faith to trust that God really is directing my path. Isn't it funny that we struggle with this? Because in all reality the Lord has always been leading my life, I am just too stubborn or stupid to acknowledge it. And He has always been good to me. My life most certainly has not been easy, but He has always been doing things that were good for me, so why do I have such a difficult time thinking that this transition and next phase of my life won't be good? Probably because I am scared and I want it to be easy. But that's not the promise I have and its a shallow desire anyhow.
I am sad to leave here. I love my students so much. But they aren't mine and never have been. I love the city. So fun. But I don't really fit here or feel at home. I was only meant to be a short term visitor in this strange place. But what a fun place to be for awhile.
I don't know where I will go next. I hope that it is much closer to home, but that is not a guarantee. I am afraid that I will be like Paul in the regard. He always wanted to go east, but God kept sending him west. No good for me, well at least I think so. It would be nice to be surrounded by friends and family again safe in that southern comfort. I guess we will see.

Until next time...