How Robert E Lee ruined my life

   Fourth grade was really traumatic. I had an awful teacher and the class wasn't full of rocket scientists. Katie Tolbert and I were the smartest kids in the class (fast forward to high school graduation and Katie was valedictorian, but that's a different story). Most days Katie and I would finish our work well before everyone else and go play in the courtyard or organize our teacher's National Geographic collection (I still can't look at those magazines, but again that's a different story).
   We had a history test and I was ready to add another 100 to the grade book. But I got to the last question and I had no clue what the answer was. Not even a clue. It was like reading a foreign language. I must have set there racking my brain for ten minutes. And I was panicking. Heart racing, clammy hands panicking. I didn't even know where to begin.
   Then Katie walked by my front row seat. She was going to turn her test in to our teacher. And here's the thing, that question I didn't know was on the back page. So when Katie walked by I saw the answer. I didn't mean to. Really I didn't. But I saw it. And my little 10 year old heart panicked again. It was wrong to cheat. And I didn't know the answer 30 seconds prior, but now I did and it wasn't my fault that I saw it.
   For the next few minutes (it felt like a trillion years), my head and heart wrestled. What was the right thing to do? Was it bad to write down the answer now that I knew it? How did I not know the answer? Where did I go wrong? It was bad news for kid me.
   Guess what I did. I wrote the answer down. It was Robert E Lee. And I got a hundred. I would love to say that I felt guilty about it and confessed to my not-so-good-at-teaching teacher, but I didn't. But that moment had an impact on my life. I know because I remember it. Vividly. It was the first time I cheated. And I knew it was wrong, but I chose to do it anyway and I justified doing it.
   And that's how Robert E Lee ruined my life. It wasn't really his fault, it was mine. And I still struggle with wanting to justify my sin. You probably do, too. But Jesus is bigger than that. He gives us freedom to not "know the answer." And that is good. We don't have to panic and scramble because of who Jesus. We can live and enjoy and learn and be kind and do the right thing, even when its really hard, because Jesus made room for us to do that and He promises to provide and love us.
   Let's live in that.