Love Recklessly

I shouldn't play scrabble with people who don't take it as seriously as I do. I play by the rules (you know how the game comes with a pamphlet of rules, yeah, I read it), not your family's rules, not rules I made up along the way...the REAL rules. That means that when you agree to play the game of Scrabble, you agree to using the Scrabble dictionary (unless agreed upon by all players before the game starts), regardless of your feelings on whether "za" is a word or not. It's not my fault that I know these words and how to use the board and how to actually challenge a word. Please don't accuse me of cheating because you don't know the rules. If we were playing soccer and you used your hands and I told you the rules said you couldn't, you wouldn't call me a cheater. It's the same thing. Really, it is.

All that to say, last night I played scrabble with some really wonderful girls. Who I like and enjoy and really want to be friends with. However, our differences on what a game of Scrabble looks like, left me feeling pretty insecure. Mostly because I felt ridiculous and misunderstood (let's keep in mind that I didn't actually say any of this at the table, but beat them by a lot and let them call me a cheater in good fun, so everything I write is internal).

This isn't about Scrabble, it's about how we feel misunderstood by people. Especially when we are new in places and no one knows anything about us. It's about how we hide things we are good at (i.e. Scrabble) because we fear what people will think about us. I don't like being on display, nor do I like being a failure. So what do I do? Let myself be mediocre. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that is not what God has called me to be. Granted, I don't think God really cares if I keep my Scrabble skills under wraps, but I think He cares a great deal about the fact that I hide myself from people. That I don't invade their lives with love and encouragement or share my brokenness and how He is healing my wounds. I don't think God wants me to share mediocre Sara. I think He wants to be glorified through broken; silly, yet simultaneously deep; sarcastic; scrabble playing Sara.

I think He wants me, and us, to love recklessly...because love does not seek itself.