I like to read

So this week I have been totally engrossed in a certain series meant for "young adults." It has been quite delightful. I have read in their entirety four books since Monday evening. For book ADD me, this is an accomplishment in and of itself. I was surprised to find in these easy to read pages stories that made me think and feel. I was impressed with their depth, for I had meant only to read them as another way to pass the time.
I finished the last one today. I started it today, too. I finished around 5:30, just before church. I found myself a bit drunk (or so I assume...) from my reading. It took me another hour to awake into the real world. It was a funny feeling. I liked it. I liked being engulfed into a story that was so easy for me to relate to. I liked being challenged as I read about the character's trials and being reminded that so often our lives are complicated not by circumstance, but by our own shortcomings. I liked being reminded that we have to get past these shortcomings. It was nice.
I was surprised by the ending. These books are cheesy...or at least they are supposed to be. They are coming of age stories, so I expected things to tie up nicely. However, to my surprise and delight they ended in a much more realistic and hopeful way. It ended like it might have in real life. The characters stories were still going...just like real people. Our stories don't just stop and settle, the journey keeps going. It was a relief to end the books not feeling as if the story were unrealistic.
This past week has been a little intoxicating with these stories drifting through my mind. It is slightly embarrassing...I am 23 years old and should be reading something much more dignified. But even at 23, these stories allowed me to come to a better understanding of some things going on in my life and push me to places I should be.
Isn't it strange the way that an author can evoke such emotion in a reader?

Mechanics watch strange TV

Friday I walked out to my car only to find a flat tire. Annoying, but not the end of the world. I had already had it patched and in light of the fact that I am driving to Georgia/South Carolina in two weeks I decided to just get a new tire. So I'm sitting waiting for my tire to be changed working on a crossword that I found in the chair next to me (I assumed the paper was for the customers...I had a pretty big moral dilemma about doing the crossword, because what if someone later in the day wanted to do it...anyhow...) when my train of thought is suddenly interrupted by a lot of yelling and crying. No worries, it was coming the TV just above me. It was the Maury Show. What was the topic for the day? "Who is my baby's father? My husband or his brother?" Quite intriguing...if by intriguing you mean it made me sick to my stomach. I was having no luck with the crossword and let's be honest something about these shows is like a train wreck, so I watched. It was sad. Not just that people are in this situation, but that it is on television. Now, I'm not exactly sure who watches this on a regular basis other than mechanics (ever noticed how these shows are always on at car repair places???), but apparently people do or they wouldn't be on the air. Just after Maury was Jerry Springer. This is America at its finest...let me tell you. I didn't come to any great conclusions from watching these shows (shocker, I know), however I did leave pretty sad about them (and that I spent so much money fixing my car) and wondering why in the world they are always playing at the mechanic's.

I Need a Job

So I've been trying to figure out what is next for me. What is this plan that the Lord has for me? I don't know yet. I have some options, some really exciting ones. And I have been thinking lately that this plan that God has for me is a lot less about an actual geographic destination and much more about the place of my heart, of who I am. Maybe it is not just a "job" or a "location", but about the woman He is making me into. I like this idea. I like it because it takes so much pressure off "making the right decision" and on just following Jesus. On making a decision that is trusting Him. I like the idea of growing and maturing and that not being solely contingent on my vocation. And it makes more sense, at least I think so. God uses our vocation for our growth and to serve Him, but it is merely a tool, not the chief agent in our lives. Sometimes it is hard for me to remember this because I am in vocational ministry. I slip into this pattern of thinking that if I am not doing "ministry" then I am not serving or learning or growing. That is just not the case. Anything anyone does in His name is ministry and worship. What if we really believed this and really lived this out? How exciting it would be. It would relieve a lot of anxiety that people my age have. We would be less career focused and more Christ focused. Our faith would not be based on our financial or career success, but on Jesus and His work.
I find that I as I remind myself of these truths and the Spirit works to apply them to my life, I am much less anxious about my future. As I look at who God is making me, rather than the number of options in front of me I am much more certain that He is working in my life. I become more hopeful and calm. There are things I am thankful for and as I continue to wonder what is next I know that I can trust that He has an end point in mind for who I am and that He has planned all the steps in between here and there.