At church this morning I sat behind a cute family. There was a mom and three kids. I would guess the oldest son was about 8, a son who was 6 and girl who was 5. The little girl kept turning around and looking up at me. We made silly faces at each other. Then she started staring at me and it weirded me out, so I raised my bulletin up a little to block her line of sight.
Anyway, that's not the point. This is the point...I watched the most interesting interaction between the brothers. The oldest kid, sitting between mom and the younger brother, left for a bit and while he was gone the younger brother slid over next to mom (by the way, she had great hair). Older brother comes back and stands at the end of the aisle for a moment assessing the situation. Think wild, wild west style. Just staring down a dusty road at an outlaw in his town. This business was not going to cut it. He walked over, pushed past baby bro and squeezed in between them pushing the kid to the left. The little brother tried to not move, but he was just too little.
Watching the whole thing go down was fascinating and disturbing. It was such a blatant representation of life. One party weaseling their way into something they want and the other party bullying their way back into what they think is theirs. Neither considering the other person, just demanding their own way. Both wanted to be next to their mom and why wouldn't they-she loves them and people like to feel loved. But they failed to realize that they should love one another.
This happens in our lives and the world around us all the time. We want our way. And it doesn't matter what someone else wants, we will demand our way. But like those boys, we forget that we are to love each other. Sure, whatever we have our eye on is probably a good thing, but we miss the point and miss out on full life if we aren't caring for others.
But the big thing they both forgot is that their mom loves them. It didn't matter who was sitting directly next to her, she loves both of them. Neither has to fight for her love, they just are loved. And we forget that, too. It's not just that we don't care for our brother, but we fight for something that is already ours. And it is sure. It doesn't matter where we sit or what job we have or what our clothes look like or if we get our way. We are loved. We matter and that gives us our identity. But how often do we feel like we have to fight for our identity rather than just live in it?
I sat in my chair this morning and thought for awhile about what it would have looked like for the older brother to come back, sit next his little brother and enjoy his whole family rather than pushing his little brother out. How wonderful and more fun for those boys to be part of something bigger than just themselves. I wonder what it would be like for us to take a deep breath and be a part of something bigger than just what our eyes desire.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Saturday, May 04, 2013
100th Blog...Whoa
One Hundred. Whoa. What? That's how many times I've written on this bad boy. Now, it took many (MANY) years to get there, but nonetheless, I'm proud. How do we celebrate this accomplishment? Lists. Obviously. A list reminiscing the defining moments over the course of this blog. That sounds like a great plan. This may not be interesting to you, but I'm the sheriff in these parts and you are at my mercy. Oh goodness I love lists...and celebrating. While you read this imagine confetti falling from the sky, Y2K Rockin New Years Eve style partying. This is a big deal. On with this list...
10. Mozart's- Beautiful, lovely, calming Mozarts. It's my favorite coffee shop in all of life. I haven't been in a few years and sometimes I get homesick for the creative energy this coffee shop houses. Waking up thinking about sitting on the deck over looking Lake Travis simultaneously energizes me and makes me sad that I live five states away from it. Most of the time I would order tea, but every now and again I would get hot chocolate. It is the best hot chocolate anyone in all the land has ever tasted. And they serve it with two animal crackers (the Barnum and Bailey kind). Meeting a friend for coffee and holding that large, white mug that fits perfectly in my hand was so refreshing to my soul. I loved the Christmas lights on the deck and the local musicians singing their melodies under conversations with friends. If you live in Austin, please go there for me the minute you finish reading this.
9. When I lived in Athens while job hunting after my internship, I would meet with friends over breakfast at Big City Bread every Saturday. We sat outside and caught up on our weeks, did the crossword together and shared in life. Slow Saturday mornings with sweet friends.
8. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a rock star when I grew up. Seriously. Anything could become a microphone. A makeup brush, a spoon. The first toy I saved money to buy was a red Fisher Price microphone. It was the coolest because you could tune it to the radio and hear your voice over the speakers. My six year old mind was blown. I remember dreaming about learning to play instruments when I was a kid, but forgot about it as I grew up because things like homework, frizzy hair and who I sat with at lunch became priority. It wasn't until well after college that I realized I had accomplished that dream unintentionally along the way. As fun as it is to accomplish something yourself, one of my favorite things is to see someone I love succeed. I get so excited. I love encouraging people and cheering them on. Not so long ago, I thought about my friends from high school. We had such a sweet friendship. It was a beautiful time in our lives and I love these dear people. I love that we lived life together and dug into who the others were. I love that we had fun and I love that we pushed and challenged each other at such a young age. We believed in each others dreams and God's plan for our lives before we were ever ready to say them out loud to anyone else. And I'm proud of where we are now and the roles we got to play in each other's lives when we were small town kids. (And as you can see, we were more than a little ridiculous. The world was our playground, folks)
7. Sometimes you have to get a nose ring. You just have to go with the extravagant. Take a little risk. Generally, risks aren't my strong suit. They never really turn out all that well for me. But sometimes they pay off big. Somehow this tiny piece of metal has come to express part of who I am. It is really fun to wake up in the morning and have a nose ring shining at me in the mirror. Recently, I upgraded to a gold hoop-it's awesome. Is it practical? nope. Do my parents approve? not even a little. Do I love it? absolutely. It's the little things.
6. Wrinkles (or crinkles as one of my students calls them). Aches and pains. Uninformed teenagers. Taxes. Those are bad things about growing up. But there are good things, too. As you get older, one gets a bigger picture of the story arc of what God is doing in your life. There is something good and beautiful and hopeful about seeing God restore parts of you. Everyone has seasons where parts of who you are get put aside and can feel as if they have died, but God loves to bring things to life. I recall a time shortly after college where I just stopped. Stopped engaging, stopped creating, stopped living. I was numb and shut down and disappointed. But slowly, God has brought those things to life again. The older I have gotten, the more I have seen the Lord bring things to life in my heart, mind and personality. It makes me grateful for God's work and it makes me hopeful for the future, because God is in the business of restoration. Even if that restoration is in my ridiculously messy, disastrous heart.
5. When you work in ministry, you never really know when you are about to have a great ministry moment. One of those moments where the Lord makes your heart feel like it will explode with joy and astonishment at His goodness. A moment when the kingdom of God is as tangible as the keyboard I now type on. In the time that the Lord has granted me to do vocational ministry, I have been blessed with more than my fair share of these moments. But there is one specific time that stands out. I am so thankful for that story and for those girls and God's nearness. Now, years later, my heart still races thinking about how God drew our hearts to His that night by jumping in an ocean and, then, sitting around a kitchen talking about Scripture.
4. I'm not sure if any experience in life has been as humbling and as much of a privilege as watching my little brother grow up. He has always been a cool kid, but to see him grow into a talented, funny, responsible, Jesus loving man is a huge honor. He is smarter than I am, more generous and more fun. He is adventurous and does cool things. He is the funniest person west of the Mississippi. His rant on salad dressing is worthy of the comedic hall of fame. I have a tremendous respect for his resolve. It's maybe one of his superpowers. Unfortunately neither of us are big talkers, especially on the phone, but I love that he is the first person I want to call when life falls apart. He's really good in times like that. Also, he can play at least a million instruments. Sometimes he'll let me strum a guitar with him. That's really fun.
3. I've always had a home away from home. Growing up, my best friend lived next door (I know, it's every kid's dream). In high school, I was at the Brock's more than I was at my own house. I even had chores there. Freshman year of college, it was Mimi and Claire's room. Then it was the yellow house. We spent hours on that front porch. In Texas, it was Karen's apartment and Mike and Kelly's home and Mark and Stephanie's house. Florida brought me the Wilkening home. Brian and Jessica's house has been my second home in North Carolina. To have someone else's home be a place that is safe, comfortable and allows you the freedom to be who you are at any given moment is one of the greatest gifts in all of life. I have learned so much about home and hospitality and life from each of these people. They are beautiful friends and God's provision of them is something that makes me grateful for a God who loves community.
2. Aside from my own family, the Wilkenings have been the most formative for me as a human being. I learned about family, walking with the Lord, being honest, forgiving and appreciating others. We also shared in a lot of fun. I knew that I was going to fit in well there when Carol let the girls and I stand on the roof with signs to celebrate Hal's birthday. It's fun to find other people who have similar shenanigans as you do. I love all the Wilkenings for many different and unique reasons and am so thankful to get to be a part of their family. I miss their house and coloring while watching tv at night. I love that they love cheese as much as I do. I miss the notes they leave for each other on the kitchen table every morning and getting to pick out a tablecloth every night for dinner. I miss the creative air that resides in the house. I miss ping pong and sleepovers and Karen telling me goodnight every night. I miss dance parties in Beth's room. I love that people would show up at random and my friends would crawl in and out of my window because the door was too far away. I miss being able to spill my heart out to Carol and her putting it back together in a way that made life make sense and Hal calling the back room his "office." And I miss Samford, the best dog around.
1. Knowing God knows my heart and will meet my needs. Even if I don't see it. Over and over again I am able to look back on the past seven years and see how God has given me exactly what my heart needs. He has been quick to answer prayers and questions. He has been near. And I say that admitting that life since college has been incredibly difficult and not what I imagined. But it has been full. Full of trial and sad and scary, but full of joy and happy and laughter. There has been frustrating and silly. Times when I was too dense to see that God was leading me exactly where I needed (even wanted) to be. I can be so disconnected and shallow that I forget that God sees. He sees me, He sees you and He knows us. Wholly. Better than we could ever know ourselves. Ever had someone reveal something about you that you didn't know? (that's called your blind self...FYI...you're welcome) It's like that times infinity. He just knows and He is a good giver. If I have learned anything in my half grown life, it's that He can be trusted to be my keeper. And I breathe easier in that. It is good that my God is a God who knows His people.
wow that was long. hope you enjoyed the party. I did.
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| why wouldn't you want to hang out here? |
9. When I lived in Athens while job hunting after my internship, I would meet with friends over breakfast at Big City Bread every Saturday. We sat outside and caught up on our weeks, did the crossword together and shared in life. Slow Saturday mornings with sweet friends.
8. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a rock star when I grew up. Seriously. Anything could become a microphone. A makeup brush, a spoon. The first toy I saved money to buy was a red Fisher Price microphone. It was the coolest because you could tune it to the radio and hear your voice over the speakers. My six year old mind was blown. I remember dreaming about learning to play instruments when I was a kid, but forgot about it as I grew up because things like homework, frizzy hair and who I sat with at lunch became priority. It wasn't until well after college that I realized I had accomplished that dream unintentionally along the way. As fun as it is to accomplish something yourself, one of my favorite things is to see someone I love succeed. I get so excited. I love encouraging people and cheering them on. Not so long ago, I thought about my friends from high school. We had such a sweet friendship. It was a beautiful time in our lives and I love these dear people. I love that we lived life together and dug into who the others were. I love that we had fun and I love that we pushed and challenged each other at such a young age. We believed in each others dreams and God's plan for our lives before we were ever ready to say them out loud to anyone else. And I'm proud of where we are now and the roles we got to play in each other's lives when we were small town kids. (And as you can see, we were more than a little ridiculous. The world was our playground, folks)
7. Sometimes you have to get a nose ring. You just have to go with the extravagant. Take a little risk. Generally, risks aren't my strong suit. They never really turn out all that well for me. But sometimes they pay off big. Somehow this tiny piece of metal has come to express part of who I am. It is really fun to wake up in the morning and have a nose ring shining at me in the mirror. Recently, I upgraded to a gold hoop-it's awesome. Is it practical? nope. Do my parents approve? not even a little. Do I love it? absolutely. It's the little things.
6. Wrinkles (or crinkles as one of my students calls them). Aches and pains. Uninformed teenagers. Taxes. Those are bad things about growing up. But there are good things, too. As you get older, one gets a bigger picture of the story arc of what God is doing in your life. There is something good and beautiful and hopeful about seeing God restore parts of you. Everyone has seasons where parts of who you are get put aside and can feel as if they have died, but God loves to bring things to life. I recall a time shortly after college where I just stopped. Stopped engaging, stopped creating, stopped living. I was numb and shut down and disappointed. But slowly, God has brought those things to life again. The older I have gotten, the more I have seen the Lord bring things to life in my heart, mind and personality. It makes me grateful for God's work and it makes me hopeful for the future, because God is in the business of restoration. Even if that restoration is in my ridiculously messy, disastrous heart.
5. When you work in ministry, you never really know when you are about to have a great ministry moment. One of those moments where the Lord makes your heart feel like it will explode with joy and astonishment at His goodness. A moment when the kingdom of God is as tangible as the keyboard I now type on. In the time that the Lord has granted me to do vocational ministry, I have been blessed with more than my fair share of these moments. But there is one specific time that stands out. I am so thankful for that story and for those girls and God's nearness. Now, years later, my heart still races thinking about how God drew our hearts to His that night by jumping in an ocean and, then, sitting around a kitchen talking about Scripture.4. I'm not sure if any experience in life has been as humbling and as much of a privilege as watching my little brother grow up. He has always been a cool kid, but to see him grow into a talented, funny, responsible, Jesus loving man is a huge honor. He is smarter than I am, more generous and more fun. He is adventurous and does cool things. He is the funniest person west of the Mississippi. His rant on salad dressing is worthy of the comedic hall of fame. I have a tremendous respect for his resolve. It's maybe one of his superpowers. Unfortunately neither of us are big talkers, especially on the phone, but I love that he is the first person I want to call when life falls apart. He's really good in times like that. Also, he can play at least a million instruments. Sometimes he'll let me strum a guitar with him. That's really fun.
3. I've always had a home away from home. Growing up, my best friend lived next door (I know, it's every kid's dream). In high school, I was at the Brock's more than I was at my own house. I even had chores there. Freshman year of college, it was Mimi and Claire's room. Then it was the yellow house. We spent hours on that front porch. In Texas, it was Karen's apartment and Mike and Kelly's home and Mark and Stephanie's house. Florida brought me the Wilkening home. Brian and Jessica's house has been my second home in North Carolina. To have someone else's home be a place that is safe, comfortable and allows you the freedom to be who you are at any given moment is one of the greatest gifts in all of life. I have learned so much about home and hospitality and life from each of these people. They are beautiful friends and God's provision of them is something that makes me grateful for a God who loves community.
2. Aside from my own family, the Wilkenings have been the most formative for me as a human being. I learned about family, walking with the Lord, being honest, forgiving and appreciating others. We also shared in a lot of fun. I knew that I was going to fit in well there when Carol let the girls and I stand on the roof with signs to celebrate Hal's birthday. It's fun to find other people who have similar shenanigans as you do. I love all the Wilkenings for many different and unique reasons and am so thankful to get to be a part of their family. I miss their house and coloring while watching tv at night. I love that they love cheese as much as I do. I miss the notes they leave for each other on the kitchen table every morning and getting to pick out a tablecloth every night for dinner. I miss the creative air that resides in the house. I miss ping pong and sleepovers and Karen telling me goodnight every night. I miss dance parties in Beth's room. I love that people would show up at random and my friends would crawl in and out of my window because the door was too far away. I miss being able to spill my heart out to Carol and her putting it back together in a way that made life make sense and Hal calling the back room his "office." And I miss Samford, the best dog around.
1. Knowing God knows my heart and will meet my needs. Even if I don't see it. Over and over again I am able to look back on the past seven years and see how God has given me exactly what my heart needs. He has been quick to answer prayers and questions. He has been near. And I say that admitting that life since college has been incredibly difficult and not what I imagined. But it has been full. Full of trial and sad and scary, but full of joy and happy and laughter. There has been frustrating and silly. Times when I was too dense to see that God was leading me exactly where I needed (even wanted) to be. I can be so disconnected and shallow that I forget that God sees. He sees me, He sees you and He knows us. Wholly. Better than we could ever know ourselves. Ever had someone reveal something about you that you didn't know? (that's called your blind self...FYI...you're welcome) It's like that times infinity. He just knows and He is a good giver. If I have learned anything in my half grown life, it's that He can be trusted to be my keeper. And I breathe easier in that. It is good that my God is a God who knows His people.
wow that was long. hope you enjoyed the party. I did.
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