Around Here We Live Bent Low

I read those words today on a blog of a girl not much younger than me living in Africa with thirteen adopted daughters. Immediately I began the comparison of our lives. I long to live bent low, but even an hour after reading those words and feeling the draw of Christ to that life, my sin roared. Rather than bending low in humble, gentle compassion, I attempted to raise myself to a a place where I was disappointed. Instead of serving, I wanted what I believed I deserved. In so many ways I see myself as Peter trying to fight with a sword in this world, forgetting that True life is found in the Kingdom to come.

Then, I had to go teach a bible study on repentance.

As I was telling girls that repentance is a state of our heart, not an action and how that makes sense because sin is a condition, not simply an action, I was hit with the hypocracy of the past few hours. I wasn't living that. I wasn't believing that.

How I long for a heart that fills with compassion as I see those around me harassed and helpless, but more often than not it is frustration that fills my heart. I find my identity in ministry, rather than finding it in Christ who has made me for good works. Anxious, scared, frustrated and emotional. What happened to peace, joy, gentleness and self control?

I don't think I'm the only one this way. Our expectations are sky high. We want perfection in the here and now, and leave no room for the Spirit to work or move or surprise us. Our days are ruined. We feel discouraged.

Thirteen little girls in Uganda. They now have a family. A mother. They live bent low. Picking up children, giving a Popsicle to a homeless man, painting the toenails of visitors. Bent low. Not demanding attention, trying to claim what they think should be theirs. A life bent low is a life spent in gratitude.

One 27 year old girl. A daughter. Of a Father. Belonging to a Kingdom. So bend low, daughter who has forgotten who she belongs to. Demands aren't necessary, because the Father sees and knows. Live a life bent low.