When it all goes wrong

Have you ever just been really wrong about something? Like flat wrong? It seems as of late, I'm just wrong...a lot. I can't seem to get anything right. I'm not trying to sound pathetic...just factual. In many areas of my life, I'm just off. I think God is humbling me in a lot ways. For far too long I've been able to control how I feel, how I respond, what I think. Turns out that I can't get a grip on any of those things lately. The bad news is that I'm a rotten, wretched sinner. The great news is that Jesus is my Rock. It's lovely to know that when my life is spinning in a way I'm not capable of handling, my hope is in an unwavering Savior. It's not in my location or my job or a relationship. It's so much stronger than that. You see, if my hope was in my job or a person, it would be shallow and counterfeit. I would have no hope. But because of God's grace, my hope is so much better and so much more real that I could have imagined. The best part about being a mess and knowing how incapable I am, is that Jesus is all the more sweet.

When I quit my job a few months ago, I was certain (like I knew, but I told people that I didn't know so they would think I was holy) about where I was going. Everything lined up. It made sense. All the goals I wanted to accomplish could be accomplished there. I had friends, it was an ideal location, great job-one that would allow my heart to heal...I even had a place to live. I was ready to go. Oh, except that that's not where God ended up leading me. As a matter of fact, I was a shoe in for the job, but I never even heard back from them. I was dead wrong. I ended up in a place unexpected. One that is pushing my heart to be more like Christ's. One that is showing me the depths of my sin and the Savior whose love, mercy and grace far exceeds those depths. One where sanctification is good and difficult. One where I am wrong a lot and need Jesus more and more.

I don't think I've ever been more thankful to be so wrong.

What is the measure of life?

I've been taking my high school girls through Ecclesiastes. It's intense to say the least. Last week we talked about how enjoyment and happiness is a poor measure of life. It's completely inaccurate. And I stand by that. However, I think that I struggle with the other extreme tending to believe that if something is difficult then it is out of God's plan for me. How awful is that? God is a good God and in the Word it says that He gives good things. I believe that God is the giver of good-both happiness and struggle. They are both important. God says that He comes to give the abundant life and that would mean a whole spectrum of experiences. Why do I measure my life by the struggle and run away from the enjoyable then? Why do I think that my life is more "godly" if it is marked by significant struggle. I believe that God restores and redeems. He binds up the broken and heals the sick. Granted, I will suffer. But I was made to rejoice as well. Is it possible that my cynical heart keeps me from the joy that God gives. I do love boundaries and control, but I think that I keep myself closed off from the freedom that God gives by loving and enjoying Him. There's some irony here, too, because I have fun. Its just that I think I miss the richness of life because I think more of suffering than rejoicing. Theologically that just doesn't seem right. It should be a balance. Submitting to God's plan day to day whatever that may look like. There is after all a time to mourn and a time to rejoice.