He has made you brave

The last few months have been quite the whirlwind and I've remained fairly tight lipped about all of it. I had been wondering if it was time to leave the life I had in Florida seriously since the spring. But it was too difficult to fathom. Although there were many things that were difficult, I don't think that life is about avoidance of trial and so I prayed for endurance and sanctification. Yet, as the summer went on it became more and more clear that something had to give. Turns out it was me. I was petrified as I was starting to pray over senior high camp. There was a position open in a great city, with a good church, and I had friends there. I was excited about the possibility, yet frightened of change and hurt and I hate quitting anything. But sometimes the race is over and it is foolish to keep running. That's the advice I was given by a wise friend. She was right.

The following weekend proved to me that it was time to move on and so the following week while at junior high camp, I committed to praying through the idea and seeking God's peace and wisdom. That's where I was met with the message of God's strength and provision. The worship leader shared a story of how his daughter was afraid of the ocean and the waves and he reminded her that her father was stronger than all that was coming her way. It is the same with our heavenly Father. He is bigger and stronger than the waves of life that come all too quickly. The ones we can't see or prepare for. The ones that take us by surprise. The ones that are scary and knock us down. And because of who He is, we can trust and step out in faith.

It was at this time that I started reading a book about God's will for our life. It's premise is that God's will for lives is sanctification. To be more like Him. For our hearts to be made more like Jesus'. With every scripture I read, it called me to examine my heart. Was I becoming more like Christ or not? Honestly, I was becoming more fearful, more timid. I was hiding more and speaking truth less. I was shutting down completely. That's not who God made me to be. And I long to be more like Christ. I don't want to shutter in fear, but rather cling to the gospel that makes me confident in the Lord. And so I concluded that it was time to

pursue being who God calls, rather than just doing what God calls.

Quitting my job and life as I knew it, with no idea where I was going, was one of the scariest things I have ever done. But God put an assurance in my heart and in the hearts of those who surrounded me. For that I am thankful. This is where I first started thinking about the phrase, "He has made you brave." For it is the Lord who gives me courage. Any of you who know me know that I am consumed by fear. I really struggle with it. But through Jesus, I am made brave. I am so thankful for this courage. His unwavering love that secures my heart. Not only did I need it to leave, but I need it to begin again.