I am not a liar

It's true. I am not a liar. Actually, I am usually brutally honest. I am far too introspective and I think too much, which leads me to have a keen self awareness. With that said...
I have this nightmare a couple times a year where I am screaming and no one can hear me. What is most perplexing about the dream is that there are people all around me. My life is not like that at all right now. It is the opposite. I feel like I am sitting serenely and all the people around me keep pushing me to talk about "how I really feel." It's like when a mom tries to pick up a child who is not affectionate. The child is annoyed and squirms around to get back to what he was doing. Apparently no one believes that I can function right now, but that I am actually repressing a lot of sadness and hurt. That's simply not the case-no repressing here.
Why is that as Christians we preach trusting the Lord and resting in a peace beyond our understanding and looking to future glory, but never really act on those things? I feel like the restless child, I just want to get back to life.
Now, let me clarify some things. Yes, there is emotion to be taken into account. But emotion is not everything. And there are things that need closure and clarification. That will be dealt with in due time. I just don't understand why all these rules for "normal" life keep getting applied. Has anyone really taken a look at the world? Nothing is ever "normal." So why don't we all just trust the Lord? For two reasons. One, because we don't want to do the work. It takes a lot of time, energy and messiness to do this. And because trusting God is more threatening than a set of centralized standards. Because truly trusting in the Lord means giving up any sense of control that those standards offer. And although standards are not wrong, I think a lot of time we institute them to avoid hurt rather than pursuing the Lord with heart. But it is in risking hurt and losing this false sense of control that we find the sweetest rest there is-the infinite rest from the Lord.
Don't misunderstand me. I am about as rule bound as they come. I think I am learning, though, that I am bound to my set of standards and rules, rather than delighting in the law of the Lord. And I am seeing these trends around me. I am thankful for the care and protection that I am receiving from those around me. I just think that maybe we are missing it a little bit.
So what is my conclusion? Not positive just yet. But I am sure I will come up with something, because I think too much.

And p.s. I am not a liar.