Uncertainty and Surety

(preface: I'm not actually sure I'm old enough to be writing this. On the other hand, this is probably one of those lessons that we learn deeper and deeper, so consider this part one. Also, shout out to Hal(lelujah) Wilkening for posting the Andrew Peterson song that follows. Hal (and Andrew) are both significantly wiser than I have ever thought of being)

     At one point in time, maybe when I was in college or so, I can remember thinking that as I grew up life would get easier. Maybe not easier, but more efficient. Life lessons would turn into collective wisdom and I would be able to better navigate life. I, like the adults I was watching, would become more and more capable. And it would be awesome.

     That's not real.

     I think I peaked around 22. That's when I felt the most sure about everything.When I left school I was nervous and anxious, but for the most part, I felt capable. Ready to take on the world.

     Bah.

     Fast forward a few years and a lot of lives lived and this is what I know: pretty much nothing. I'm less sure of almost everything than I was at 22. And maybe I'm finally in on the secret to adulthood-we're all just doing our best. Our best to not destroy everything we touch. Our best to love those around us. Our best to live well. That takes a lot of prayer, intention and a large measure of grace. Life isn't a science, folks. It's an art.

     And I have grown. There is collective wisdom that has accumulated. I am better equipped to handle things because of how the Lord has been at work in my life, but it doesn't always make things easier. The battles around me and inside me are still very real and very complicated. I wasn't quite prepared for life to feel like a hamster wheel sometimes. At my age I don't feel like I should keep waiting for the real grownups to appear and make everything better, but I do. Then I realize that I am one of the real grownups and people expect me to be able to straighten things out. 

     There is an exception to this growing uncertainty I feel. Jesus. I am more and more sure of Him than I have ever been. He is my Surety. All the "collective wisdom" I have is this: Christ is King. And He loves His people. The Lord is at work and because He is moving, I can breathe. And live. He moves towards all of my fear and uncertainty. Never once has He left me in my anxiety or waiting. He has, ever so patiently, taught truth to my heart.

     So even in my uncertainty-in my not knowing-there is One who knows. Even better, the One who knows, loves his children and so even when I don't know, I trust. There is so much hope in being able to trust. So much freedom. Hallelujah.