This is Ministry

This conversation happened Wednesday while hanging out a pool with 15 junior high students, 5 high school students and 4 leaders.

High School Girls: Sara, let's go to the beach next Wednesday!
Me: I can't I will be out of town.
Another Leaders: I will be out of town, too.
(High schoolers get a look of bewilderment on their faces)
High School Girl: You mean you have lives?
High School Girl 2: You have friends that aren't us?

This is what I do for a living, folks...

A Letter to Baptists

Dear Baptists,

I love you my baptist brothers and sisters. In fact, I am still one of you (although I do consider myself Presbyterian and have for awhile...I am currently becoming a member). I appreciate my Baptist upbringing. I do, however, have a question for you. Why all the clapping? I mean it is a little over excessive isn't it? Last week I was at a conference and you all clapped a lot. And at unnecessary places. Are you really that excited about 2+2=4 and about that break in between songs? The enthusiasm is appreciated, it is and I could feel your excitement rising as you were unable to hold you hands at your sides. But I just don't understand. It was too much, really it was. You were unable to go without applause for five minutes and it was distracting-at least to me. So my question is why. What are your standards for this clapping? What prompts your applause? Any insight will be helpful. And until then, do you think you could hold it down a bit so I could hear the words of the song or the sermon? Thanks.


Sincerely,

A non-clapper

For the Record

Just so we are clear saying "you are loved and appreciated" is not the same thing as saying "I love you and appreciate you."

Just for Fun

My last post wasn't nearly as witty as I like for them to be. Hence, I have decided to post some of my favorite quotes from my students. Let me tell you, the culture here is hilarious.

--"One day while I was riding my unicycle..."

--"Boy, I sure love a man in a sweater vest..."

--"You can't name your daughter Jezebel, that's like naming you son Benedict Arnold..."

--"These envelopes are exacerbating..." (said by a 6th grader)

--Person 1 "Hey, clean the bathrooms"
Person 2 "Dudes, too?"

J-Lo, please don't kill me...

Sorry, Jenn, I haven't written in awhile and you keep reminding me that my blog is a form of entertainment for you, so here you are.

I haven't updated the blog world in awhile about all the new stuff that is going on in my life. So I intend to use this time to do that. I'm starting to settle in to my new digs. I love my house and getting to decorate it might be my favorite activity. I'm starting to not be so afraid of the things lurking in the dark. I have two friends. I like my job and the families in the church. They are wonderful and I am really enjoying my time with them. I am currently house sitting and am in love with the dog here. Who knew I liked dogs so much? Well, I like this one at least. I am finally getting to a place where I can deal with my life as a whole and not compartmentalize so much, which I take as a good sign.

The last few weeks have been slightly (okay, overwhelmingly) tumultuous. I feel as though every difficult situation from the last ten years of my life has been resurrected in some way as well as having new situations present themselves. I went into survival mode for a bit and now it is time to deal with all of it. It has made me tired and it is difficult being in a new place for all of this, because it takes me a long time to trust people and I'm not ready to be vulnerable with people here, yet. But sometimes I just need someone to be on my side and I struggle to tell that to the people around me. In this time, though, I have seen the Lord as my peace and He has been reminding me of the gentle spirit which He has called me to have. I realized that over the last two years with so much going on and shutting down from the world, I have become really difficult with people and that is wrong. So I my goal is to be easy with people. Not a pushover, but kind, gentle, compassionate and honest. He is going to have to work in my a lot to get me there, because let's be honest I am more than a little sarcastic. But I believe that He has called me to this and will make me into the woman He wants. And that goes for my life overall, He will continue to work all that is going on to make me someone who glorifies Him more. And I look forward to that.

A Letter to Graduating Seniors

I wrote the following letter to a group of graduating seniors, I thought I would post it.


Seniors, Congratulations! I am so excited for you. I hope that you enjoy tonight and the people that are surrounding you in love, support and encouragement. I am sad that I am not there in person. However, I consider myself blessed to have been able to spend a year with you and to be able to continue to call you my friends. Recently I have been going through pictures from high school and college. This was such a sweet time for me and I hope it is for you as well. Enjoy this time as you prepare for a new phase life. Have fun. The summer between graduation and starting college was one of the best I have ever had. It was full of excitement and fun and the first time in 7 years that I didn't have a summer reading list. I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to say to you.
I thought about giving you advice for college and summer or about telling you how precious you are to me and the people around you. But I have already told you that you are a blessing and others can give you better advice about college than I can. So, rather, I decided to tell you what my pastor told my graduating class at our senior banquet. I don't know who originally said it, but Pastor Bob told graduates the same thing year after year. He said "Remember who you are and whose you are." I thought it was dumb, until I was the one being faced with inevitable change. Here is why I find this cliche encouraging.
"Remember who you are"--I find that who I am is fairly fluid. I am constantly changing, but looking back over my life reminds me of the Lord's work in and through me. I see His goodness to me and the woman He is making me into. So remembering who you are is in actuality remembering where you came from.
"Remember whose you are"--Just as I am always changing, He is always the same. I am fluid, He is solid. And as my life changes, He is my constant. It is the Lord who has a plan for my life and in the face of change, He is our comfort and provision. It says in Luke "Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?" You are a child of God and the Father has good planned for you life...even when you feel like you are getting the snake or the scorpion. Know and rest in the fact that He is your Father.

Wishes Really Do Come True

Remember when bath and body works starting putting out the products with the blue antibacterial beads in them? I do...b/c it just made hand sanitizer more fun. And I thought, "I want to shake hands with the man who invented this." And now I have. Be jealous.

(And he is really awesome...for real)

Hospitality

I am not hospitable. Chiefly because I am afraid of people. But I'm not the only one. Look around you, what do you see? People who run from one another and wrap their lives up in activities that keep them in a “safe” zone. Let me unpack this in two ways-the first being the relationship we have with strangers, the second is our relationships with friends. Before going there, I think we can all agree on the truth that God calls us to be hospitable and generous. Not just with our homes, but with our time, money, gifts and really with all that we have. He says most blatantly in Hebrews 13:2, “Don't forget to be kind to strangers, for by doing so you have entertained angels without knowing.” Henri Nouwen points out in Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life that Abraham invited strangers into his home and it was through them that God revealed His plan for Sarah to have child. And in other places as well, God uses the guest as a blessing in the lives of the host. Not that we do these things for the blessing, but we must see hospitality as a relationship, not as a burden.
Now, our world view of strangers. How many of us are guilty of locking our doors when we see a homeless person on the side of the street? I am. And that fear captures our hearts, rather than trust in the Lord and compassion. Now don't get me wrong, I think there is a line between fear that keeps us from loving and irresponsibility with our safety, but honestly I don't know where that line is and I think that I err on the side of keeping myself too safe. I think this may be an American thing. I have heard countless stories of Europeans who offer their homes to Americans who are traveling. And certainly those in South and Central America are much more welcoming than Americans. Why is that? Could it possibly be that we live a life of arrogance and pride, with the facade of independence? I have only been out of the country once, but based on that experience and the experience of my friends, the people there live humble lives. They welcome help and live a community far different from ours. We don't know our neighbors or invite them in our homes, much less welcome people we don't know. Not only do we not do these things, but we are uncomfortable when people do them. For instance, I was in a coffee shop recently. I was annoyed with the lady next to me because she just kept talking and I wanted to read my book and be left alone (attitude problem #1). Then she started talking to me about her life and asking questions about mine, I was even more annoyed because I on principle don't talk to strangers (principle problem #1). When she found out I was new to town she offered me a free haircut, being that she is a hair dresser, and rather than be grateful I wondered what kind of hack businesswoman would offer anything free (cultural problem #1). The she did it. The unthinkable...that's right folks, she hugged me. She broke the one foot, unspoken physical barrier that we keep. She said I needed it because I was new to town. I thought she was nuts and was not only shocked, but freaked out (attitude, principle and cultural problems #2). I mean really, what was she thinking? She doesn't know me. But oh, she new I was new to town and working in job that is emotionally taxing and plagued with loneliness. She saw my need, and met it. And that my friends is love and hospitality at its purest form. She wanted nothing from me, but wanted to bless my life and I met that with an attitude that mocked her. No wonder I can't be hospitable.
So I started thinking that maybe I have trouble being hospitable to strangers, but surely I am with people in my circle of influence. Yeah, not so much. You probably aren't either. We keep ourselves at arms length. We go to our therapists and pastors to share our troubles, rather than sharing our lives with our friends. We lock our emotions and fears inside and only release them when we pay someone who legally cannot talk about them with anyone else. I have some friends who in my opinion have mastered hospitality. Not only have they welcomed me in their home, but have made me feel like I can share anything with them. The number of times that I have sat in their home and emotionally vomited on them is numerous. But they don't brush it off, they listen and want to know about my life. Their home is my home and they are not shy about that. Most people don't have that philosophy. We put out the “nice” plates when others come, live a life that isn't everyday. We talk about the weather, travel, in general nothing too invasive and wait until our guests leave to pull our hair up, change our clothes and truly be ourselves again. Putting out the “nice” plates isn't bad. I know that, but what it represents might be. What would happen if we used the everyday plates and served leftovers? Nothing. Our guests might realize that we are just like them and the walls of “properness” would come crashing down. I think we just fear too much. I know I do, because what if I am wrong or too messy to be loved. Sometimes I just don't want to be bothered with the deep relationship. With the difficulty of someone else's life, because my own is overwhelming enough. And that is wrong. Not to mention that I am missing out on the beauty of fellowship with others just like me.
There has to be an answer. I don't know what it is. Prayer. Waiting on the Lord to change my heart and overcome this deeply embedded fear. Practice. Trust in the Lord. And these things aren't easy. But I know that hospitably and generosity are a large part of being a disciple. Nouwen also says that “to fully appreciate what hospitality can mean, we possibly have to become first a stranger ourselves.” I think that is true. And right now I am at a place in my life where I am a stranger and receiving this hospitality. I mean really folks, strangers are hugging me in Starbucks. And the church is reaching out to me in a way that I have never experienced before. They have surrounded me with support and love. They are meeting so many of my needs that I get uncomfortable being loved like this. I don't understand it. Maybe that is what Nouwen is saying. I have to experience this side of hospitality to ever be able to extend it to others. And if that is true then I hope that I can be a blessing to my hosts while I learn from their generosity with the hope that one day I will be hospitable.

Redeeming Love

I finally read the book, folks. After years of people gushing about it and me snobbishly avoiding it, I found it at Goodwill for $1. I thought, "hey, if I am going to read it, these are the conditions I want to do it in." So I bought the book. I read it in a week and half, which to my understanding is about 8 days longer than it takes most people. Sorry, I have a job now.
I didn't hate it like I thought I would (it was only 3/4 as cheesy as I thought it would be). As a novel and a piece of fiction, I enjoyed reading it. I was able to relate to characters and enjoyed the setting of the book. However, certain parts made me very uncomfortable. For those of you who know me, that is probably not surprising. There was great emotional and physical detail that I was surprised to be reading in a piece of Christian fiction. At times I thought I was reading one of those novels with Fabio on the front. But I guess I am far more modest than most, so I just give this warning: careful, ladies, careful...emotional pornography ahead.
Here are my issues with the book. First of all, Angel was far too a sympathetic character to be a picture of Gomer or the church. As I read the book I realized that it was not so much a retelling of Hosea (which is what all those who suggested I read it told me), as it was a totally fictional story with a similar plot basics and points. But, Angel's character is still Gomer/God's people and let's be honest, folks, we are not sympathetic. We are sinners, we live in rebellion. We have no excuse. That doesn't make for a very compelling novel, though. Next, Hosea just didn't seem realistic enough to me. To an extent, sure, but where are his quirks and flaws? Where is his sin? The reader does see him struggle with faith and what God is doing in his life and with relationships, but what sin do we see him struggle with? Last time I checked we all had that little (and by little I mean astronomical) problem. This book spans years of time and all we get is a mention of an occasional struggle with lust. Even his anger is righteous. I'm just saying...can I marry a man like that--one who will never fail in pursuing me and loving me and never sins against me? I know that is what we all want, but biblically unless we marry Jesus then we will be marrying a sinner.
The book was okay, but its danger is that it walks a line of biblical accuracy and artistic freedom that blurs to the point of not knowing where one begins and the other ends. Some of the liberties it takes can definitely sway the reader's understanding of Scripture and that is really dangerous, not to mention that the story plays with emotions, specifically women's. That makes me nervous, because then we set expectations for men that are not only unrealistic, but unbiblical and cause us to set standards for men that are unattainable, ultimately causing us to not respect them.

p.s.-Please don't hate me for critiquing the book.

Grown Up Easter Egg Hunt

Want to know what is stressful? Finding furniture. All I want is a small, black couch, but apparently those aren't made anymore.

However, in light of Easter being last week, I have decided to turn this search into an "Easter egg hunt" or a "Sara needs a couch hunt"...this is going to be the best game ever. Like when the Easter bunny used to hide that one egg where no one could find it. Jokes on you, Easter bunny, I always found it (with help from my parents...who will be here this weekend).

This one is for Jenny

Every place I have lived I have had a place that go to think and rest. I have found my Florida spot. It is beautiful and on the St John's River. I have decided that I need to be by the water. My soul is more at rest there. I'm excited that I have found this place...it makes it more like home.

Speaking of home, I have found the apartment. There has been a little bit of drama during this process, but I found the one today. I'm pretty excited and hope that it all works out. It is an 80's built townhouse that needs a little love, but it feels like home and that is what I am looking for. Also, it has these balconies off of the master and guest rooms that look into a side courtyard with a big tree in it...it's pretty fabulous.

I really like being here and finding that I can build community and seeing the Lord provide for me. It has been a remarkable process and one that I am grateful for. The last year and a half, I have felt like the 400 years between the Old and New Testament-I know God is working, but I just don't see or hear it. Now I see Him, again, and it is reassuring. What can I say, I am not good at the waiting game. I'm really thankful for this church and the welcome that I have received.

Something I find interesting about myself (and maybe this happens with everyone) is that during transition and this whole process of starting over that I start to miss certain things and people. It is really interesting. For the last two weeks I have been missing someone that I haven't talked to in quite awhile. I just want their reassurance and support. It is strange, because I haven't felt that way in quite awhile. I wonder why that is? I guess some people just make me feel more reassured...I don't know.

I started reading Redeeming Love. I've tried to read it a few times and get bored after the second page and then I started judging all these people who have read it and say it is the greatest book. Basically, if you told me you liked the book and you thought I should read it, I put in the category of "cheesy Christian" and ignored your suggestion. (If I did that to you, I'm sorry...it was wrong). Well, I found the book at Goodwill for $1, so I thought, "hey, it's just a dollar...I will read the book and then people will stop telling me to read it." I have only read a few pages, but I'm not bored yet. We'll see.

So here you are Jenny, a little update of random information, nothing too deep or witty, but it is intended just for you (although others are welcome to read this).

p.s. today at Starbucks a random hair stylist hugged me (she said I needed it b/c I was new to town)

Florida-more than just Disney and Old People.

I know that I just posted a terribly depressing thought (except that Jesus is that answer and that isn't depressing, but anyway), but I also wanted to convey that I am not depressed about being in Florida. I think this is God's best for me. And I really like here. To prove this I will compile a list of reasons why.

Why I like Florida:

1. St John's River

2. Saving closet space, b/c you don't need sweaters or jackets

3. The fruit is amazing.

4. No drought

5. Flip-flops year round

6. Men don't wear jean shorts nearly as much as I thought.

7. Pretty trees covered in Spanish Moss

8. The community built with UGA fans living too close to gator country

9. Just when life gets too calm...hurricane season

10. Guaranteed tan

Seeking Second Best

I've been reading through 1 Samuel for the past couple of weeks. I'm going really slowly though. I don't mean to, but with all this election stuff it has been really interesting to think about the change from a theocracy to a monarchy and what that must have been like. I mean to go from God's best plan for you and then demanding to be like everyone else, like the rest of the world. And He warns us against it, but we demand none the less and He gives us our wish. I guess nothing has really ever been the same. But what is really interesting to me is that even when God gives the Israelites what they want, there are some that are still discontent with Saul being appointed as king and they stubbornly refuse him. They still aren't happy. Why? They got a king just like they wanted...it still isn't good enough. My question is what will be? What would be enough for them? And what will be enough for us? We do the same thing so often. I see the same desire in myself and I have seen it in my friends and the world around me. What will ever satisfy us? Of course the answer is the Lord, but we won't rest in that. We continue to look for materialistic items, people, feelings or experiences to fill the gap inside us. And it never stays lodged in the hole for very long. Sure, we are happy for .2 nano seconds and then the longing returns. It affects our relationships, with the Lord and others, because we put expectations on people to save us from our sinking and they disappoint without fail. Then we are back to longing with a deeper sense of urgency.
I long for the time when we will all relax, rest in the satisfying love of Father, Son and Spirit. When peace will characterize each of us. And I hope that we can experience at least a taste of that this side of heaven. And I think we can. God graciously reminds me that He satisfies when I forget. There are times when He is so present that all anxiousness falls away. Sometimes, the animosity and hurt in my life overwhelms me to where all there is Him. That is when I feel His comfort and peace. Maybe we should all come to terms with the fact that we are sinners. We will sin against one another and being honest about the depravity of humanity, of ourselves, will bring us to place that we have to trust the Lord.
I think is both ironic and tragic that we look so hard for stability, when everything changes. Everyone disappoints. Life innately goes up and down without notice. It is the very nature of the world. But we seek stability in jobs, friends, spouses, etc, etc. And nothing provides it, except the Lord. Yet we still seek something else. We are just like the disgruntled Israelites stubbornly pouting Saul's appointment. They asked for God's second best for them, and that is what they got. It is only in turning our lives over to Him, trusting and passionately submitting our lives to Him that we will get what we want.

The Difference a Year Makes

Today I was sitting at lunch with some really great folks, when someone suggested that we "think about where we were a year ago." A year ago I was on the eve of quite possibly the most difficult time of my life. And as I think about the trek of the past twelve months, I am overwhelmed at how much I have changed and at who the Lord has made me.
I have always thought of myself as passive, one who takes life as it is and doesn't fight back. I never stand up for myself. But over the past year I have learned the importance of asserting myself, my thoughts and ideas. I have seen the need to fight when appropriate. I am proud of the way that I have contended with negative circumstances and fought my way back safety. This feat can only be attributed to God's plan in maturing me and my faith.
This voyage has not been easy. It has been and continues to be full of emotion and choices that I would rather not deal with and don't feel prepared to deal with. But the more I have shared this concern, the more I have found that others feel the exact same way. I am beginning to believe that this may be the way that difficult decisions are made-because they have to be.
God has taught me this year about who has made me to be. I have been in so many different forms since last January-delighted, content, and growing to hurt, disappointed, tired, fearful, alone, and shut down. I have been so many different things. They have all stretched me and I seem to have come out on the other side, not unscathed but alright.
Although 2007 was difficult, there have been so many joys. I have developed deep relationships with people, explored the world a little, found healing in God given friends, rested and learned to laugh at life again. I found out that I like sushi and I am a champion long distance driver. Discovered that used bookstores soothe my soul. I listened to good music. One can't complain about these things.
Maybe my year was pretty typical-ups, downs and everything in between. I'm not sure I could ask for anything else. Now as I reflect, I see that I made an active decision to make the most of every opportunity and that brings peace.

Life Lessons

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of going to a middle school girl's basketball game. Maybe pleasure isn't the correct word, because I left feeling quite a bit of anxiety over the parent's "cheering" and the awkwardness that surrounding the whole event, but I found that life is a lot like the game that I watched. You see these sweet girls were really awkward. Their skill was very basic (excluding one of the players). Life is much the same. I feel like 98% of the time I am just running around awkwardly trying to act as though I know what I am doing and then there is that one person who far too advanced for the game I am playing. And even when I do manage to make a shot, it was purely an act of luck. But through all of the uncomfortableness there was a beauty. These sweet girls just trying to figure it all out. The teamwork and comradery that comes from a journey. The joy of working hard and finally getting something right. The humor in the process of trying to get something right. Focusing on the task in front of you and rising above the awful comments being yelled down at you. These are the things that these girls were sharing in and the things that you and I share in everyday.

My Plight

So my roommate asked me to go to the store to pick up some stuff for people that are coming over this weekend. She gave me her credit card to get the stuff. We could have gone later today, but she has a lot to do and I wanted to get it done for her. Seems like a harmless chore. So I go to the store, get the stuff and, of course, I am the only person in the last 38 years to have someone ask to see my license. Really? Come on. It was awful. (Maybe I am being a little dramatic, but hold on) There were two ladies working at the register I was at. I told them just to cancel and I would use my card. One of the ladies just kept shaking her head at me in disappointment...I felt like a seven year old whose mother just caught her playing instead of making her bed. I left the store.
See, my whole life has taught me to not be a rule breaker...actually, it has shown to not even be a rule bender or pusher. The only time I have ever sped, I got a ticket. The one time I got my parents to let me stay out as long as I wanted in high school, I had an encounter with the police (I wasn't actually doing anything, but apparently my friends and I looked "suspicious"). I have come to feel like I can't take any chances because the moment I do I get a slap on the wrist and someone shaking their head in disappointment at me. And I end up going home with knots in my stomach feeling awful about myself.
I think is what has happened to me in the past year. I muster up enough strength to venture out and take some big chances. Now I feel like I have come home with the whole world disappointed in me and my decisions. I feel like I took chances trying to love people and they all blew up in my face. And although I know that the situation is much more complex and that the Lord gave me wonderful things through all of it, I feel the same things I felt when I left the store earlier-embarrassed, angry, stupid and sad.
I guess what I am now trying to figure out is how do I move on and still take chances? It is too scary for me most of the time. I am always afraid of being hung out to dry. But I know that in order to love people the way that Jesus did, I will have to take chances. But is there ever a point when enough is enough?

Reading...it's good for you

Since I have been back in Georgia, I have been quite the book fanatic. I am beginning to be quite impressed with myself. That's beside the point, though. Awhile I ago I picked up Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger. I had heard it was good. I'm about 2/3 through it and although I'm not sure I totally understand it, yet, I really have enjoyed it, but again this is beside the point. Last night I was reading and one of the parts goes like this:

He said that you were the only one who was bitter about S.'s suicide and the only one who really forgave him for it. The rest of us, he said, were outwardly unbitter and inwardly unforgiving. This may be truer than true.

After this I got to thinking that it is really only when we are outwardly honest about what we think and feel that we are able to forgive anyone, including ourselves. Now this isn't that easy. It is difficult to throw all that out on the table, because we feel such complex emotions. It means being honest about the way we dealt with things, how we felt about life rather it was correct or valid or embarrassing. It means seeing reality, true reality, not just one's own perspective on life. Now I'm not really sure what this looks like, but I think it has to be a part of walking by faith. I mean faith is taking a leap, right? Trusting the Lord and how He is working in you. Having faith in Him enough to step out and speak up, no matter the immediate consequence, because when all is said and done forgiveness is at the end. And forgiveness is one of the largest parts of our lives. Forgiveness from the Lord and forgiveness from one another and ourselves.

that's all for now...sorry it is rambled...I have coherent thoughts sometimes, promise...hopefully soon I will be able to share those with you, too

Head Over Heels

Has anyone seen this movie? It isn't fabulous, entertaining...but it won't change your life. So why does it get a whole blog entry about it? Because it is one of the only movies I can think of that has a scene with someone using the bathroom. Nothing else is the movie is that realistic, but that scene adds all the reality that I need. Watch it and enjoy.

I like to read

So this week I have been totally engrossed in a certain series meant for "young adults." It has been quite delightful. I have read in their entirety four books since Monday evening. For book ADD me, this is an accomplishment in and of itself. I was surprised to find in these easy to read pages stories that made me think and feel. I was impressed with their depth, for I had meant only to read them as another way to pass the time.
I finished the last one today. I started it today, too. I finished around 5:30, just before church. I found myself a bit drunk (or so I assume...) from my reading. It took me another hour to awake into the real world. It was a funny feeling. I liked it. I liked being engulfed into a story that was so easy for me to relate to. I liked being challenged as I read about the character's trials and being reminded that so often our lives are complicated not by circumstance, but by our own shortcomings. I liked being reminded that we have to get past these shortcomings. It was nice.
I was surprised by the ending. These books are cheesy...or at least they are supposed to be. They are coming of age stories, so I expected things to tie up nicely. However, to my surprise and delight they ended in a much more realistic and hopeful way. It ended like it might have in real life. The characters stories were still going...just like real people. Our stories don't just stop and settle, the journey keeps going. It was a relief to end the books not feeling as if the story were unrealistic.
This past week has been a little intoxicating with these stories drifting through my mind. It is slightly embarrassing...I am 23 years old and should be reading something much more dignified. But even at 23, these stories allowed me to come to a better understanding of some things going on in my life and push me to places I should be.
Isn't it strange the way that an author can evoke such emotion in a reader?

Mechanics watch strange TV

Friday I walked out to my car only to find a flat tire. Annoying, but not the end of the world. I had already had it patched and in light of the fact that I am driving to Georgia/South Carolina in two weeks I decided to just get a new tire. So I'm sitting waiting for my tire to be changed working on a crossword that I found in the chair next to me (I assumed the paper was for the customers...I had a pretty big moral dilemma about doing the crossword, because what if someone later in the day wanted to do it...anyhow...) when my train of thought is suddenly interrupted by a lot of yelling and crying. No worries, it was coming the TV just above me. It was the Maury Show. What was the topic for the day? "Who is my baby's father? My husband or his brother?" Quite intriguing...if by intriguing you mean it made me sick to my stomach. I was having no luck with the crossword and let's be honest something about these shows is like a train wreck, so I watched. It was sad. Not just that people are in this situation, but that it is on television. Now, I'm not exactly sure who watches this on a regular basis other than mechanics (ever noticed how these shows are always on at car repair places???), but apparently people do or they wouldn't be on the air. Just after Maury was Jerry Springer. This is America at its finest...let me tell you. I didn't come to any great conclusions from watching these shows (shocker, I know), however I did leave pretty sad about them (and that I spent so much money fixing my car) and wondering why in the world they are always playing at the mechanic's.